Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
