Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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