I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
