Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
