put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
