I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
