with your own penis?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
