then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
