I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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