OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
