the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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