What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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