I wish I only lived at night.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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