Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's official drugs can't kill me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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