so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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