the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
