I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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