I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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