Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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