She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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