I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
