its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
