He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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