Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
