it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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