I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
