Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
