I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
