After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
