when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
