you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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