i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
