Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
