Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
