She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
