You don't have asthma, your pregnant
4 words: hood of his car
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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