apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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