Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
