i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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