Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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