I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
