Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
