Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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