I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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