If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
