In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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