Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
