Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
