The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
