HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
