I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
