Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
