In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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