i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
