i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
