Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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