Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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