a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
