I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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